My Swimming Journey — how swimming became something I hated to one of the most important outlets in my life

My Swimming Journey — how swimming became something I hated to one of the most important outlets in my life

I swam a 5K this month. Not a 5K run, but a 5K swim in Lake Michigan. I trained for it most of the year and truly did not know what to expect. It was my second big goal I had this year, when despite graduating 15 years ago, I set the intention of playing in a college water polo game with DePaul university’s club team and had hopes of scoring at least one goal.

I started playing with DePaul in 2022 and was thrilled to connect with them as I had been trying for years to play again.

When I got a chance to play, I overcame the worries or doubts that I had of playing well after a long hiatus and keeping up with college athletes as a 37-year-old. I scored 4 goals in two games including one against The University of Iowa, my alma mater, the team I led as Captain for years. As I scored I yelled, “I’m sorry Hawkeyes, I love you!”

It’s an amazing feeling out performing your own expectations and accomplishing a goal that you’ve had for years. Plus it was special to share this experience with the DePaul students I had grown fond of after playing and mentoring them for a year. For some it was their first official college game.

Swimming and water polo have always been more than just a sport. It’s been a journey of self-discovery. Over the last 30 years, it’s been a path of emotional growth, an environment to gain perspective, confidence, and comfort through unavoidable failures due to sport and life’s unpredictable nature.

As a young kid, I was often picked on; I struggled with my image, had low self-esteem, and used self-criticism and negative. comparisons to make myself sad or angry as fuel to motivate my self-improvement.

I was very hard on myself.

Sports was one of the few areas I enjoyed some success, and was a great outlet for me playing soccer, basketball and baseball growing up. I often used my good moments in sports to cheer myself up when feeling sad.

My relationship with swimming was a bit different, and it evolved over the years. Before high school, I saw it as a chore and tried to quit, only to find myself training vigorously under an accomplished coach whose intense and aggressive approach brought swimmers closer together and consistently fielded a competitive program during his career.

I bought in and my confidence grew as I became a practice warrior, leading my lane and raced against some of the best swimmers in the state. In those intense practices, I realized I could do things I never thought possible and learned the power of patience and hard work when investing in an unknown path. I became a conference champion in the 500-yard free style and earned All-State honors for water polo.

The pool was my domain and it didn’t matter who I was going against, I always thought I could win, because no one would outwork me. Vastly different from how I used to hold myself.

While I’m grateful he helped me and my teammates unlock our potential and help our confidence grow, our coach would frequently use anger and fear to motivate us with a “All of us” vs “him” approach with him being the bad guy, making our life unpleasant if we couldn’t practice at the level, he set for us.

Now, decades later, as I’ve grown and learned more about myself and a diverse range of players in different situations, I’ve learned taking the gentler approach, and leading with empathy, compassion and enthusiasm can be a more effective way to motivate yourself and others.

Seems simple but it was a transformative shift in my perspective on motivation and made me rethink my overall approach. Studies in neuroscience has supportive findings that show when individuals are motivated by empathy and positive emotions, they are more likely to have improved performance, resilience, and enhanced wellbeing.

When an old water polo friend. of mine pushed and motivated me to sign up for what is called The Big Shoulders 5k Race. I was a bit terrified and initially only wanted to do the 2.5k. I’m so glad he insisted I do the 5k race which originated in 1991.

It was founded by Bill Mulliken a USA Gold Medalist and has grown to be one of the premier and most competitive open-water races in the United States.

Even though I had been consistent with my training, my nerves still gnawed at me. I was a bit baffled considering I was going from racing 500 yards in a pool to 5000 yards in the open water. I never really enjoyed open water swimming because I would get off track easily, finding it hard to find a comfortable rhythm, and as silly as it sounds, I had irrational fears of horror movies I saw when I was younger; Jaws, Lake Placid.

To add to my legit concerns, there had been beach hazard warnings up until the morning of the race with dangerous waves and the swimming leg of the Chicago Triathlon was canceled the week before.

Race organizers said to prepare for 4 feet waves. On the day of the race the water was at 70 degrees, and I was happy to have my wet suit. The lake calmed down for the most part, and I started the race in the front of my wave aiming to avoid large crowds and elbows. I was successful for the most part as I started cautiously swimming through some of the rough waters, the crowd and became familiar with the surroundings of the course. I had a good pace but was careful not to go out too hard. Essentially the course is a triangle and you do two laps, making sure you past specific buoys. It does take effort to pop your head up to make sure you’re going in the right direction in an efficient route.

I got used to the waves, became confident with spotting my direction and I found my groove. I felt great! Halfway through, as I started my second and last lap, I checked my watch, and I was 10 minutes ahead of my initial goal, in a race I felt I’d struggle to finish strong in. Because I was swimming pretty conservatively, I had a ton of energy left and that got me pretty jacked!

The last leg of the race is something I’ll always remember. With an intense feeling of spirit, the sun out in full effect, I reveled at my body’s endurance conditioning, and the Chicago skyline with each breath as I powered pass other swimmers with long pressing strokes and a confident rhythm. The rush felt similar to the settings when winning conference so long ago. I felt like a fine-tuned machine built to swim the race that gave me pause.

As I finished strong and approached the beach, I couldn’t contain my excitement as I sprinted towards the finish line.

I was still bursting with energy and adrenaline. I spotted one of my master’s swim coaches and ran to him yelling, “Let’s Fucking Go!” and gave him a huge high five. It was a moment of pure joy, a vivid reminder that you can always surprise yourself and do better than you could have ever imagined. It was great to see a coach who helped me get there, right at the finish line.

I ended up stumbling and falling into the sand after I crossed the finish line. I didn’t care, I laughed at myself, sitting there just reflecting the magnitude of my accomplishment, of already outdoing my own expectations without knowing my race results.

I ended up getting 11th place among 119 swimmers in my race division and 67th out of 473 total swimmers.

I was shocked, but believe my results are a true testament to the process I’ve built, my overall conceptive nature, resilience and the commitment to my health journey which helped me accomplish the hardest goal I’ve ever had of getting back to my All-State water polo weight.

It took me over 10 years, but I ended up losing 50 pounds after making many lifestyle changes to become a healthier person.

I know I don’t do this without swimming, a sport that I once hated and quit.

Now swimming is one of the most defining elements of my life that I credit for my emotional growth and a better life.

So, I urge you to lead life with a more positive outlook, especially in times of struggle. Be kind to yourself. Try things again if at first you don’t succeed or like it. Accept failure as a part of growth, and embrace the journey. Believe in yourself, and be open to the possibility of positive outcomes even if you’re certain they won’t come. You never know what incredible opportunity or narrative awaits.

We all find our passion, our purpose, and our path. For me, it was swimming and water polo — a source of incredible joy, strength, and invaluable life lessons.

I am immensely grateful to my mom and dad for instilling the discipline I have today, and I’m so happy I stuck with swimming. I’m fortunate to have been on many #teams with many great coaches throughout my life. Thanks to everyone that has supported me throughout my journey.

I hope to play water polo as long as my body will allow me.

My next goal is to help DePaul win a game!

Thanks for reading.